Dark thoughts keep me up at night making me wonder. What is it that we call life? What is the meaning of it all? If I give up will the darkness consume me or will the next morning still come? I want so much to believe in a magical world outside of the disgust and hatred that seems to engulf our world over things like politics and gender. Is the world the Asshole or is it me? I fight each day to find the center, the moment where I know peace. I'm not self destructive, but looking outward ..... makes me wonder.
I find pleasure in strange things and this is what keeps me going in the world. Oddities and the unusual things that have their own beauty although by status quo may be ugly as sin. I try to reflect that beauty into a form a shape.... my art. It may not sell like the "fad" items of the world. Some may find my work disturbing, disgusting and even downright lewd. Maybe I'm seeing something more. Or maybe it's just me?
I've been holding the hooks from tearing my soul apart for so long that maybe it's just easier to let them go. Maybe I need to rebuild or allow things to scar my being so I can feel human? I'm not sure what it is..... Now before some read this and go all "suicide hotline" on me, I'm ok. Really I am posting this to pour out the darkness that builds up. The parts my art can't seem to clear. I need to give myself a reality check from time to time to make sure I haven't fallen into my works and become lost. To make sure the words leaving my mouth and thoughts are English and not some fucked form of Japanese that only I seem to understand.
- Jebus 13
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