Confessions: Or simply some things that may explain who I am.

     I was doing a lot of thinking while falling asleep last night. I was pondering what made me this way, what made me have a taste for the perverse and odd in my art. So I was thinking back and realized my romantic dating life I was a whore. Not so much in the sense that I put my dick any and everywhere, but emotionally I would get attached either too easily or once sex was involved I was an addict to a bad situation because it was one that was getting me laid. Now not all circumstances of the relationship were a part of this, but when it went sour instead of taking the cue it was over and to move on to better things I went back to the burn so to speak because there was a sexual connection there and I did not know how to restart that path with someone else.
     Thinking back my sexual experiences were mostly initiated by someone else unless we were in a relationship and then I had a few of my own "moves" that kinda just flowed with a moment. This is where the confessions come in and well why I call myself a whore.

My sexual conquests.... or I got laid where?.
     My first sexual interaction beyond that of the teenage hickey was with my to be girlfriend at the time whom I shall entitle for here "No L". She came to a party and it started with an initial me offering to go down on her.  This led to some grinding but halted as logical heads prevailed due to a lack of condom. A few days later however she was back and it was do it as hard, as fast and anywhere we could. She realized in the relationship that I was a whore for sex and capitalized on it meanly toward the end of the relationship. Leading me down some dark and lonely roads. Now I can say while the relationship did sour at the end, while it lasted and in the early parts I felt we made a connection and looking back it was simply teenage fucking, but at that time to a teenager it was love. or the closest thing I could get to love at the time.
     As the years progressed I found myself in some rather interesting sexual encounters some were playing that went possibly too far, or not far enough. Some I was oblivious that I was to make more of the moment than I did. Some lead to me trying or doing things I can't say didn't fuck with me. Now I may get more into this later, but I feel this helps illustrate my personal disturbances and issues a bit. As I'm more prone to put up a shield and go into hiding than wage war on the person that hurt me. But that does not mean I won't throw punches in the shadows or put some reference in my art to my feelings on something.

      Well for now I shall leave you with this to ponder.... Is there some meaning to you in my art? Am I making a reference? - Jebus